


Melodies of Life

by nobetterpicture



Category: JYJ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-13 23:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3399659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nobetterpicture/pseuds/nobetterpicture
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time is destiny, the second is regret, the third an accident, the fourth a missed chance, and the fifth, well- let’s just call it magic. (PLEASE CHECK WARNINGS)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: CHARACTER DEATHS. I really cannot stress it enough, but I promise a happy ending.
> 
> Oh dear, this fic. This is most definitely not the lifetimes au you were probably looking for, but it’s definitely something emotional and even a little fun, between the angst. Also, I guess this considered magical reality AU as well? Magic is a normal thing in this fic. 
> 
> Originally written for the dbskistic exchange on lj, but I have edited it A LOT and changed/added to the ending a bit. I know I have written another lifetimes AU, but I promise, this one the lifetimes are actually connected to each other and adding magic made it all the more fun :)
> 
> Title also taken from the Final Fantasy 9 theme song (specifically [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LxjAvEAm0U) version)

**하나**

They first meet when they’re both twenty years old, in a small village surrounded by the land of the spirits.

Jaejoong’s a newly matured shaman, not even a day into his new position. But, already, he's been given his first task. 

He must deliver the village’s sacrifice to the God of the Mountain.

As the future shaman for the village, it’s his duty to escort the sacrifice through the dark forest and over the cursed mountains to the sacred shore. There, he would perform his first important ritual, solidifying his status to the surrounding spirits and allow him take over for the current elder shaman when he turns twenty-five.

The whole village comes to surround Jaejoong with smiles and well wishes before he leaves. Together, they wait patiently for the sacrifice. 

He has a faint memory of the one from fifteen years ago, the last time they had to appease the God of the Mountain. He may have only been four years old, peering through the legs of his mother, but he remembers the pure white of the sacrifice’s robes- the contrast of them to the striking, bold colors that the new shaman, now the village’s current elder shaman, wore.

Now, he stands tall in his own colorful robes, blood red with black and gold symbols scrolling down the back. They’re his power colors, providing strength and safety for the journey ahead. The colors continue up on his face, with gold and black painting across his eyes. 

The extra gold charms hanging in his hair jingle as he fidgets, black tattoos on his hands stretching across skin as he clenches and unclenches his hands- waiting impatiently for his only companion for the next six months. 

The journey to the sacred shore takes only three, but with the way the spirits have been acting and randomly attacking those who wander outside of the village, the elder decided that it would be best if they sent the sacrifice early- Just in case. 

_Of trouble_ are the words that Jaejoong easily fills in.

He recalls the elder’s warnings about the spirits and dangers, how easy it is to lose focus in the dark forest or to be led off a cliff in the mountains. He shakes his head, the light jingle of the charms clearing his mind.

When he opens his eyes, the crowd is parting to let the sacrifice through. He’s tall, his sandals making him a little taller than Jaejoong. But it’s the pure white color that he’s covered with, the gauzy material falling over his head and shoulders like an enchanted mist, that holds Jaejoong’s attention. 

It’s just like his memory. 

He barely catches the brown eyes staring at him through the fabric and reaches out his hand, ready to make their formal bow to villagers before they leave, but the elder cries out.

“Ah, Jaejoong- No!” 

His hand stops, hovering right above the shaking, gauze-covered hand.

“I thought I told you...This sacrifice is not to be touched. That’s why you’re leaving early. You _must_ be extra careful. Do you understand?”

Both their hands retreat.

“Oh- I...Yes, I understand, Elder.” 

Jaejoong steps back, spinning to flare out the edges of his own robes as he goes down on one knee. And just as the gold and black symbols and markings stitched and dyed on his robes state, Jaejoong swears to protect the sacrifice and perform the needed ritual, no matter what. He promises to protect the village, even if it means giving his life to make sure the sacrifice reaches the sacred shore.

The villagers all sigh in relief when he stands back up and Jaejoong’s proud to know that they trust and depend on him enough for this task. His hand twitches, almost reaching out for the sacrifice’s hand again, but he stops, fingers curling into a fist instead. 

 

He misses the way that the sacrifice’s hand does the same.

-

The elder leads them to the edge of the village and hands Jaejoong one last talisman. 

It’s an earring, a simple golden wing. He stares at it for a second, something pulling at his memory. But without question, Jaejoong removes the onyx earrings from his right ear and carefully puts the wing on. He can feel the way it rests on the whole outer edge of his ear and is surprised at comfort it brings. 

“I know you think that the onyx would guide you better, but I found this yesterday and knew that it wasn’t a coincidence. May it help you find the knowledge and power you seek through your journey and guide you to the end.” 

Jaejoong bows low in response, and the sacrifice, Jaejoong needed to ask his name, follows suit. 

As they watch the elder return to the village, Jaejoong can’t help but gently finger the molded gold feathers of the earring. The strings finally connect and he realizes what the wing reminds him of. It reminds him of the phoenix that blessed him as a child and Jaejoong thinks that the elder was right. Its appearance is not a coincidence at all.

“Well,” he says, adjusting the heavy bag on his back and turning to the quiet sacrifice. “Shall we go?”

The gauze shifts and ripples as the sacrifice nods wordlessly. 

“Right then. Let’s go.”

-

Everyone has a tragic flaw, and for Jaejoong, his is extreme curiosity.

From the day that he’s been aware of the world around him, Jaejoong has always been curious about the world and life and spirits. So it wasn't really surprising to his mother when she finds him in the woods one day at age six, playing happily with a spirit. The fact that it was the rare phoenix spirit was the surprising thing. 

Being a child, he hadn’t known much about spirits being good or bad and simply thought that the beautiful spirit’s feathers looked like the sunrise and sunset at the same time. After chasing the spirit and playing together through the woods, the surprise both he and his mother got was when the spirit not only gave Jaejoong one of her feathers- but a magic blessing him as well. 

_You’ll be a strong shaman with my blessing, little one. I’ll be here when you need me._

The spirit’s whisper still echoes in his ear every now and then, along with the warmth that flowed through his body. 

Especially now, he can hear the spirit with that same feather tied into his ponytail and the colors and images of the phoenix tattooed and covering him as he goes on this journey. 

Glancing to the side, Jaejoong stares at his companion, stares at the village’s sacrifice. It’s only been a few hours, but already the silence is too much for him to bare. He licks his lips and takes the leap. The elder said that he couldn’t touch the sacrifice, but nothing about _talking_.

Six months of not saying a single word would be way too much.

“So...do you have a name?”

The sudden break in the silence makes the other man trip on his robes. Jaejoong’s hands immediately fly out to catch him, but luckily stop just in time. He winces at the sound of fabric tearing as the sacrifice falls to the ground, the white gauze now completely ruined.

“Sorry...I didn’t mean to- I would have caught you but-” Jaejoong sighs. “Sorry.” 

He watches as the sacrifice shakes his head and gently rip the remains of the gauze. What emerges from under the fabric is nothing what Jaejoong expected. 

The man- boy... _man_ is a lot younger and so much more…beautiful than Jaejoong thought. His brown eyes are much prettier without the layer of gauze covering them and his soft smile makes Jaejoong want to smile in return. 

“Yoochun. My name is Yoochun” The man says, bowing politely to Jaejoong as they officially meet each other face to face. Their introduction to each other should have happened back in the village in front of everyone, but according to the elder, with the extra precautions...

“Yoochun...I’m Jaejoong, your shaman as you already know.” Jaejoong replies, bowing back. “I know that I’m not allowed to touch you, but please don’t be shy and stay silent. We have a long trip ahead of us and we’ll both need the companionship.” 

Yoochun nods in agreement as Jaejoong straights up and both of their smiles grow a little wider. He kicks the gauze to the side and adjusts the white cloak covering most of his body.

“Well, shall we keep moving?” 

Jaejoong nods, deciding that he likes the sound of Yoochun’s voice.

So they continue down the path, leaving the tainted gauze behind.

-

Walking for a few more hours, they trade small facts about themselves: age, family, favorite food- meaningless things to create a relaxing and calm atmosphere between them. With three months of travel ahead of them, it’s the least they can do to shake off their nerves.

“So, what kind of bird is that feather from?” 

Yoochun asks as they set up camp for the night. Jaejoong finishes places a totem on a tree before turning back to answer, eyes a little wide.

“You’re joking right?” he says a little incredulously. “I thought that everyone in the village knew about me and the phoenix.”

But Yoochun shakes his head. “I know nothing about a phoenix...but is that what it is?”

It’s hard not to laugh, but Jaejoong’s so amazed that Yoochun has no idea. He’s spent his whole life bothered by people asking about the phoenix and how they could be blessed like him when, really, it happened by pure chance. 

Jaejoong spends the rest of the night telling Yoochun about it, about some of his life and training to be a shaman. He has to save a little for later, after all. 

The other sits on the opposite side of the fire, listening carefully, eyes never straying from Jaejoong’s face. 

The attention makes him a little flustered at first, something about Yoochun makes him more on edge than the villagers they left behind. Maybe it's his eyes, but Jaejoong clears his mind of the thoughts and keeps talking. It's only their first night and there would be plenty of time to think more on it. 

By the time he finishes, the fire’s dying and Jaejoong can see the heavy way that Yoochun’s blinking. It makes him want to pat Yoochun's head or hand, in a strange way. Even though there's no way that he could do that.

“We should get some rest. There’s plenty of time to talk tomorrow...and the days ahead.” 

-

Despite his hesitance at first, Jaejoong finds that Yoochun is incredibly easy to get along with. 

They find out that they’re very similar in opinion, despite having grown up in different situations. Conversation flows so naturally with Yoochun that Jaejoong often forgets that they are on an important journey and not just a trip with a good friend.

There are moments though, that they almost slip up. Yoochun reaches out to touch Jaejoong's shoulder in a friendly way or Jaejoong teasingly goes to grab Yoochun's hand-

But they always stop midair and deal with the awkwardness that follows. It shouldn't be that awkward, really, but it's more of the reminder of what they're doing, where they're going, that makes it awkward. That, again, they have their duties to the village and not to each other.

No matter how fond of each other they are.

-

They’re talking about their childhoods one day, a little over a month into their journey. By now, they’d made it about halfway through the forest without much issue other than tripping over some trolly roots and vines. 

Jaejoong has them stop by a nearby creek to rest for the day. Or at least that’s his excuse. The dirt stains on both of their clothes have been bugging him for the past few days and the chance to wash has been nagging at the back of his head since he fell in the mud a day ago.

He tells Yoochun to go ahead first, walking around a small area and placing his normal totems around the area. Despite the both of them doing different activities, the conversation still continues smoothly, one of his favorite things about being with Yoochun.

“But, you know, despite living in a different area of the village, I do remember seeing you once.” Yoochun says as Jaejoong finally slips off his own robes to join him in the creek a generous distance away. For respect of their own privacy, of course.

“Oh?” Jaejoong replies, glancing over at Yoochun stubbornly scrubbing out the caked-on mud from his white robes. “How come you’re just mentioning it just now? It’s not the first time we’ve talked about our childhoods, after all.”

“I’m...not sure.” Yoochun pauses in his scrubbing for a moment. “I had an odd dream about it last night. About when I saw you. It must have been after they found you blessed from the phoenix spirit. Your body was glowing this beautiful gold and, at the time, I thought you were a god…” 

He shakes his head and looks over at Jaejoong with a wide smile. It's not the first smile Jaejoong has seen from Yoochun, but for some reason, the way the sun shine on his face- that smile combined with the words-

“You’re not a god, but I guess I wasn’t too far off, huh?”

For a second, Jaejoong loses his breath. 

For a second, he has the urge to swim over and palm that smile and those words between his hands-

Jaejoong suddenly breathes out. He splashes his face with cool water and blames the growing heat on his face due to the brutal sunlight above them.

-

Later, that night, Jaejoong has his own dream. Though it’s more like a premonition.

He’s standing next to Yoochun on a beach, the sea washing up and over their feet. It’s surprisingly warm, just like Yoochun’s hand in his own. 

Jaejoong jumps awake, finding himself much closer to Yoochun than he was when he fell asleep. He scatters away from Yoochun, trying to himself calm down, waiting for his heart to stop racing. 

His mind is swirling and he can’t help but look down at his hand- the one that had been holding Yoochun’s in his...dream? Vision? Jaejoong isn’t quite sure.

But what he is sure of is the phantom warmth laced between his fingers and over his palm. It feels so warm, so real, like he’s actually holding someone’s hand. 

It’s just because of his curiosity, he tells himself. That it's been so long since it's simply _touched_ someone.

It’s just because they’re in the forest with so many spirits. It’s just the magic around them.

Worried, Jaejoong double checks all of his totems and charms. To be safe. 

It’s just the forest, he tells himself. It’s just the spirits. It’s just nothing. 

It’s nothing.

-

“Did...I do something wrong?”

Two weeks go by since Jaejoong’s “dream” and things have changed between the two of them. 

Jaejoong is a little more quiet, a little more distant. He sees the frowns that his one word answers cause, the sighs he when moves a little further than necessary from Yoochun. But he’s just protecting himself, protecting the village. Protecting Yoochun.

The moment in the river, his dream...the memories are still to fresh and still scare Jaejoong more than he admits to himself. The implications...no. He did not want to think about them.

“It’s only the two of us out here and...well, you know the way more than me, so I don’t know how much longer we have...But I would like to make this trip at least pleasant considering- C-considering-”

Yoochun stumbles over his words and it’s like Jaejoong had completely forgot about Yoochun’s role. That he’s a sacrifice and at the end of their journey-

Jaejoong turns around, words at the tip of his tongue, when he sees Yoochun stopped in the middle of the path. There’s obvious tension in his shoulders and his hair, now brushing past his shoulders, covers his face as he looks down. Immediately, Jaejoong feels guilty. So, so guilty.

“I-” He starts, then closes his mouth. Yoochun’s body language reads insecurity as his arms cross his body and it breaks something in Jaejoong and the words flow out. 

“Two weeks ago, I had a dream that we made it to the sacred shore. We were holding hands and it was so… _warm_.” His fingers curl into his palm at the memory. “Most of the time, my dreams aren’t just dreams, they’re visions. Visions of the past, of the present-” _Of the future_ , he finishes in his mind.

He takes a few steps toward Yoochun and the other man looks up. The look on his face ruins Jaejoong even more.

“I made a promise to protect you on this journey, as well as a promise to not to touch you in any way. It might be a surprise to you but it’s the second promise that’s the more difficult one. I'm a curious person and taking something away from me is very dangerous. I'm not afraid to face danger. It also doesn't help that I like affection, Yoochun. I like to touch- a brush of fingers, a hug, a pat on the shoulder, even a punch…” Holding hands, lacing fingers, kissing a smile. "Those two things put together are so dangerous to us and I- I couldn't _risk_ -"

He bites his lip, pausing and instead watching Yoochun.

Yoochun faces changes at this new information. It’s something that Jaejoong hadn’t shared in their conversations ever, in hopes of pushing down his wants and needs so that the village could be protected. So that Yoochun could be protected.

“Then why? Why start avoiding me? Why distance yourself so suddenly when this entire time you’ve been next to me and open and pleasant? Why not tell me the truth?” Yoochun’s glare is almost as beautiful as his smile, Jaejoong thinks. It makes him laugh a little.

“Is this a joke to you? Do you think that hurting someone like this is funny? Maybe I’ve been reading you wrong this entire time-”

In that moment, there’s a rush of birds over their heads and the realization hits Jaejoong right in his head. Everything, all the worries and stress, they weren't for the village. They were for-

“That dream made me realize another thing that I like.” He quickly says, pulling the red fabric of his sleeve over his right hand. There’s enough of it to cover his hand and then some, almost like a loose glove. 

He raises his covered hand, proud that he’s only shaking a little bit, to Yoochun’s face. Yoochun flinches at the contact.

“Jaejoong!?”

“I like you. Even though I shouldn’t. Even though it’s completely against what we’re here for- You’re beautiful. Funny. Kind. You have a wonderful smile. It was your glare that made me laugh earlier because I found that beautiful as well. I...I like you, Yoochun. Do you understand now? I like you...but I can't like you. I can't do this.”

They both stand there, silent except for the shift of the trees around them, the movements of the spirits watching their exchange. 

Eventually, Yoochun lets out a heavy breath, easing the tension from his shoulders, and smiles. Despite everything, Yoochun smiles through the tears in his eyes.

“And here I thought I was the only one.”

-

They spend the rest of their journey getting even closer.

It’s as amazing as it is heartbreaking. 

Some nights, Jaejoong falls asleep on Yoochun’s covered lap, dreaming actual dreams of another life where they could live free of restrictions. He dreams of holding Yoochun’s smile between his bare hands, just how he wanted to in the river that day, dreams about tickling his feet to see if he would giggle-

Dreams of kissing him under the ever changing stars they sleep under every night.

But with every dream Jaejoong has, he wakes up to reality- wakes up to being one day closer to their destination. 

-

One day, as they’re crossing the mountains, Yoochun asks him a very random question.

“The phoenix...is something that is reborn from its own ashes, right? Something that never truly dies...right?”

Jaejoong looks over from the flower crown he had made on a whim and carefully drops it onto Yoochun’s head. 

“Yeah, that’s right. It’s that reason that everyone was amazed that I was blessed. The phoenix is one of the oldest spirits around. Why the sudden questions?”

Yoochun looks away nervously, adjusting the flowers on his head. “No reason.” Then he sneezes. And keeps sneezing until he throws the flowers off his head.

Jaejoong laughs at the turn of events, the conversation leaving his head as soon as it entered.

-

Once they’re across the mountains, the sacred shore is only a few weeks away. They can see it from the peak of the mountains, the view beautiful and soul shattering. 

Yoochun’s somehow become even more attractive over the journey, hair growing down his back, long enough for him to braid over his shoulder. The journey has filled out his body, making him so much stronger than the dressed up sacrifice that he was three months ago.

The sight makes Jaejoong want to do...something. 

And, as much as he tries to deny it, his heart won’t allow him.

Jaejoong is completely in love with Yoochun.

He can’t speak for Yoochun himself, but the look in his eyes, the way his hands curl into the fabric of his clothes, as if they are also desperate to touch. As much as Jaejoong is. The small movement he catches in the corner of his eyes when Yoochun thinks he can't see. 

He wants to say that Yoochun feels the same. He believes that Yoochun feels the same.

-

Jaejoong desperately tries to think of a solution. A way that they can both get out of this alive, a way that won’t curse their village for decades- or even centuries. 

He spends most of their last weeks running through every possible idea, but nothing comes to mind. 

The clock is ticking, even with them taking it extra slow. Technically, they could stop for a month and still be on time- but the spirits know that they are close, so the God of the Mountain knows as well. 

-

They stop by another stream, the sacred shore now a couple days travel away. 

Yoochun’s been quiet over the past few days, keeping his distance from Jaejoong as he once again cleans his robes. Perhaps for the very last time.

Jaejoong stares at his hands as he walks down the stream away from Yoochun, eyes tracing over his black marks like they could give him an answer. As the distance between them increases, the clouds move and sunlight breaks through, causing Jaejoong to be temporarily blinded by the glare of something.

Turning his head away from the light, he finds that it’s coming from the golden wing on his ear reflecting off the stream. He touches it carefully, feeling the grooves molded into the gold and words from months ago echo in his mind:

 _I found this yesterday and knew that it wasn’t a coincidence. May it help you find the knowledge and power you seek through your journey and guide you to the end._

How could an earring guide him? The memory makes him more frustrated, and he rips the earring out of his ear and chucks it into the stream.

It sinks to the bottom, out of sight, and Jaejoong’s legs give out. His knees hit hard on the ground. 

What could he do? Could he do anything? 

The clouds pass overhead once again, blocking the sunlight, and Jaejoong loses himself to his thoughts. 

-

Jaejoong’s not sure when he falls asleep, but he wakes up to a comforting warmth around him. He opens his eyes and sees nothing but red and gold. 

_You’re finally awake, little one._

He hears the words in his head, instead of in his ears, and blinks his eyes to clear them more. 

That’s when he realizes there’s a spirit in front of him.

And that the spirit is, in fact, the phoenix spirit from his youth.

It’s a little smaller than he remembers, but even more majestic than his memory recalls. The sunset glitters off its translucent wings, casting the red and gold glow around him. 

“Why- How...how did you find me? How did you know I was here?” Jaejoong asks and the phoenix simply tilts its head, almost in a condescending way.

 _I always know where you are, little one. I did bless you, after all._ It tucks its wings back, and settles on Jaejoong’s out-stretched legs. 

_Now, I think you have a question for me, yes? Otherwise you wouldn’t have cursed me by throwing a token of mine into the water._

Jaejoong knows at least to feel a little embarrassed at his small moment of weakness and ducks his head. 

“Sorry I just...I…” He hesitates because where to even begin? What could he tell the spirit that it didn't already know?

“I- I fell in love with Yoochun, the sacrifice, and I don’t want to let him go. The elder shaman never warned me of something like this and now...I don’t know what to do but I know I can’t just run away with him. I have the village to protect...my duty as a shaman after you blessed me all those years ago.” It hurts to finally voice out his fears, his worries. And when he stops, he reaches a hand out to ghost along one of the phoenix’s wings. 

“Love is love, but- I can’t let all my people suffer to save one life.”

 _Even if that means he will suffer?_

The question crushes Jaejoong’s heart even more. 

“He wouldn’t be the only one suffering.” 

And if Yoochun didn’t suffer, then their whole village would suffer. Jaejoong even doubts that now, with the two of them so close to the sacred shore, that he could protect them enough to make it out alive. 

But the spirit doesn’t reply. It ruffles its feathers, staring at Jaejoong until he feels more than a little uncomfortable. There has to be a reason why it appeared, right? Jaejoong’s mind reels, thinking of what to say next, but he comes up with nothing.

“Jaejoong?”

He hears Yoochun’s voice off in the distance and wonder how long he’s been separated from the other. 

Wait- Yoochun…

Jaejoong looks at the phoenix and sees it preen, wings stretching wide once again. 

Perhaps-

There’s no way that-

Jaejoong bites his lip before taking the plunge.

“Can...can you help us? Can you help Yoochun? In someway?”

 _I was wondering if you would ever catch on, little one. I don’t show myself for nothing._

Jaejoong moves in for a careful hug, relishing more in the warm that the spirit surrounds him with as tears prick as his eyes.

“Jae- Jaejoong?! Is...is that?”

He turns back around to see Yoochun in his freshly clean robes, mouth open at the sight of the phoenix spirit on his lap. 

“Yes. Yes it is.”

-

The spirit has a solution for them...but it is in no way ideal. 

-

 _Phoenix are special because they are reborn from the ashes...but unfortunately, that is something that only we can do. I cannot give that ability to either of you, no matter what blessing I bestow you._

Jaejoong nods. He knows that he is not immortal but that instead he would live a long life blessed with magical ability, thanks to the spirit. He did not expect a full proof cure-all to their situation, but some how his hope still drops. 

Next to him, Yoochun moves to hold his hand through the layer of his robes. 

_I cannot do that, but I can do something that, perhaps, is just as good. I can connect your souls even closer together._ The spirit says, surprising the both of them. 

"Even closer?" Jaejoong asks, looking over at Yoochun who seems to be just as confused.

 _Maybe you can already feel it but you’ve already made a connection. It’s the reason that most of the spirits have left you alone on your journey. They know better than to meddle with magic of true soulmates._

“Soulmates?” Yoochun whispers. “Is that why...when I first saw Jaejoong…”

 _Yes, that is exactly why._

Jaejoong’s curiosity nags at him, but he doesn’t bother to ask. He can at least agree to feeling something the first time that he saw Yoochun before their journey and the frustration he felt...that he still feels that he cannot truly be with him. 

_If I do this, it means that not only in this lifetime, but in all of your following lifetimes, your lives will be connected. It is a huge and serious matter, so I would like you to think-_

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

They both answer at the same time. The spirit ruffles its feathers, almost as if it were laughing. 

_Ah, to meet a true pair of soulmates again is certainly amazing. Alright, close your eyes, this might burn a little._

-

It burns more than a little.

The air around them grows warm and Jaejoong gasps out. There’s a searing pain right above heart, more painful than any tattoo or marking he’d gotten in his life. 

He hears Yoochun next to him wheezing and tries to reach out for him, but fails.

The burning spreads all the way through his body, as if his heart is pumping fire instead of blood. It’s almost too much, the air in his lungs disappearing and causing to choke on nothing and-

Then it’s over.

It’s over and the air is cool and soothing as it refills his lungs. 

Panting, Jaejoong rips open his robes and finds a new mark right above his heart: a phoenix feather colored with red, black, and gold. It’s the most beautiful thing on his body.

Looking next to him, he sees Yoochun staring at an identical mark, fingers brushing over it carefully. 

_Just as a new phoenix is born from the ashes, your souls will carry this mark and lead you to each other every lifetime. The circumstances may be good or bad, I cannot tell you that. You might become lovers or enemies, but you will be together. These marks will be on your bodies as a symbol of that. When you see each other’s mark, you’ll know. And, most important of all- Do not forget, you made this choice._

With that, the spirit spread both of its wings and took to the sky. 

“Thank you.” Jaejoong barely whispers out as they both watch the spirit disappear into the light of the setting sun.

-

“We...we can trust the phoenix, right?”

Jaejoong’s new mark pulses with his heartbeat at the question, warmth spreading from it like a hug.

“Yes. Of all the spirits I’ve met and had contact with...It is the only one I would trust with my life.” 

And now it’s the only spirit that Jaejoong, and Yoochun, owed his life-and perhaps future lives- to.

-

However.

In the happy glow of the phoenix’s visit, in the aftermath of their "solution"-

Despite everything and their new, stronger connection, one more thing still remains.

The thing, the _reason_ that they even came on this journey. 

-

The sacred shore is just as Jaejoong’s dreamed it would be. The sand is clean and soft, water warmer than expected.

They stand next to each other and watch the sunrise, knowing that it would be their last together. The waves slide warm and smooth over their feet and Jaejoong does it.

He grabs Yoochun’s hand with no fabric barrier between them and laces their fingers together. 

“Jaejoong!?”

Yoochun’s hand is warmer than his vision and his fingers fit so perfectly between his. 

“I got you here safely. I got you here a whole month early. Just...the god will be nice enough to let me hold your hand. Please, Yoochun.” 

Jaejoong ignores the way his voice breaks on Yoochun’s name, ignores how selfish he's being, ignore the way Yoochun’s hand shakes in his hold, ignores the creeping fear and sadness climbing up his spine. But if this is what Jaejoong was feeling, Yoochun must have it twice as bad.

He _is_ the sacrifice after all.

The thought makes Jaejoong grip Yoochun’s hand even harder. 

They stand there, silent until the sun is high in the sky. 

It’s then, that the waves part, creating a path for only one person to walk down.

“I love you.” Jaejoong says, staring at the waves. 

He knows it’s not the end of them, that this is only the beginning. It has to be the beginning. 

It _will_ be the beginning.

Still, it hurts. It hurts so damn much. To finally be able to feel even a fleeting moment of love for the first time in his life...

Yoochun’s hand gently grabs his chin and turns Jaejoong’s face down for a soft kiss. 

As they part, Jaejoong memorizes the crinkles of Yoochun’s eyes, the dimple in his cheek, the fondness in his beautiful smile. 

Yoochun squeezes their hands once-

“See you soon.”

-and lets Jaejoong go.


	2. Two

**둘**

“Crown Prince!! Please!”

Yoochun’s hiding behind a pillar, listening as the guards run past.

“Prince, it’s almost time for your medicine! Please, your new healer will be here soon! It’s extremely important for your health! For the Kingdom!”

He snorts. Medicine doesn’t even work for him anymore. It’s pointless to take it if wasn’t going to heal him. Which is the reason why he’s currently hiding from his guard and "healers".

Once the hall is clear, he lets out a sigh and walks out into the open. 

It’s been two years of different medicine and different healers. Two years of his guards and caretakers spouting the same words over and over at him.

 _“Crown Prince, try this!”_

 _“Crown Prince, don’t leave your room!”_

 _“Crown Prince, NO!”_

And they all wonder why Yoochun continues to sneak out and away for just _one_ breath of fresh air.

He’s walking around the castle grounds, which are seemingly empty for the mid-afternoon, when Yoochun spots someone. 

They’re definitely an outsider, judging by the grey robes and large black cloak around their shoulders, making it hard to tell if they were male or female. But it’s the short, rare red hair that mainly gives the person’s outsider status away.

While he’s curious about person, being the crown prince has lead Yoochun to more assassination attempts than he’d like to admit. So he quickly moves behind a corner, waiting a few seconds before peering around again.

But the stranger is gone.

“You know,” A voice comes from behind him, scaring Yoochun in his spot. Turning his head, he can just catch a small glimpse of that red hair behind him. 

“You should be quieter with your steps if you want to go unnoticed.” The stranger says, this time even closer.

Frozen in his spot, Yoochun knows this is the end, this is it. He should have just listened to his guards and stayed in his room and waited for death from his disease instead of something more painful than what’s about to happen-

“Um, Crown Prince?” A hand touches his shoulder and that knocks Yoochun out of his frozen state. 

If he’s going to die, then he’s not going down without a fight. He is Yoochun Park, Crown Prince of the Melod Kingdom. A force to be reckoned with.

“YOU’RE NOT GOING TO KILL ME!” Yoochun yells as loud as he can, smacking the hand off his shoulder and spinning around to distance himself from the stranger...who is staring at him with an eyebrow raised?

“Kill...you?”

They stare at each other and then the stranger bursts out laughing.

“If I was here to kill you, I wouldn’t be doing the job I was brought here from so far away to do.” The strange man says between his laughs. “But maybe...I should start from the beginning, my apologies.”

The strange man goes down on a knee, bowing his body toward Yoochun, just as twenty palace guards surround them, thanks to Yoochun’s previous yell. 

“My name is Kim Jaejoong. I’m your new healer from lands of Harmon.”

**

It takes a while to assure the guards of Jaejoong’s identity and purpose at the palace (he had simply gotten lost after some bad directions from a stable boy) but soon enough they’re escorting Yoochun and his new healer back to the crown prince’s chambers. 

Maybe it’s because Jaejoong was a stranger, an outsider to his kingdom, but Yoochun nearly walks into a few pillars and walls that he should know better than the back of his hand. It’s not very princely, but Jaejoong is so...alluring. 

So incredibly distracting.

In fact, Yoochun zones out and when he comes back, they’re already in his bedroom preparing for his treatment. 

“If you could undress please, Your Highness…” Jaejoong asks kindly, unpacking a few things from the bag he brought. 

Both Yoochun and his head guard jump in shock.

“Excuse me?! No one may see the Crown Prince’s body unless you’re one of his servants or future wife!” Yoochun’s head guard shouts, inching closer to the prince. Yunho has always been too protective for Yoochun’s liking, even after all the years they’ve been together.

Jaejoong sighs at his bag and looks over at the guard, leveling him with a glare that makes Yoochun a little scared.

“I’m here to help with his disease, am I not? How am I supposed to do that if I can not get access to the source of the problem? First, you almost arrest me for even speaking to the Crown Prince and now you’re trying to stop me from doing my job? Besides, am I not like a servant if I am here to _serve_ him and make him healthy once again?”

Yunho shifts another step in front of Yoochun.

“Well,” he says, shifting his hand on the hilt of his sword. “Aren’t you an expert magic user? They say that all of those that come from Harmon are graced with magic abilities and if our King sent for you, you must be very talented. So…” 

Yoochun catches the way that Jaejoong’s eyebrow twitches at Yunho’s reasoning. It almost makes him smile. But he can also tell that Jaejoong’s about to tear into his head guard and Yoochun _does_ like having Yunho around, so he finally speaks up instead.

“Yunho, listen, it’s fine.” He nudges Yunho out of the way and starts to unbutton his vest and shirt. “If it bothers you that much, you can wait outside while Jaejoong- Ah, it’s okay to call you that, yes?” 

Jaejoong’s face relaxes and he nods. 

“You can wait outside while Jaejoong examines me, alright? If that makes you feel better?” 

Yunho mumbles something under his breath and instead takes a seat on the other side of Yoochun’s bed. He’s out of the way, but still close enough in case something happens. The thought makes Yoochun laugh as he folds his shirt and vest.

“You can leave your pants on, Your Highness,” Jaejoong says as he carries over a tray filled with various things. “For now at least.”

The way he says it with a wink makes Yoochun laugh and feel more relaxed than he has in years.

**

“That is a beautiful marking you have, Your Highness.”

Jaejoong’s fingers are cool against his skin, gently tracing the black feather mark above his heart. 

“I was born with it...though they say that it used to much more beautiful back then.” Yoochun replies, remembering the faint memories of red and gold he would see in the reflection of his baths when he was young. 

“It’s still beautiful now.” 

Jaejoong writes something quickly on the notebook sitting on his lap, pausing for a moment to close his eyes, like he was thinking. 

Yoochun can’t help but ask a question when Jaejoong finally opens his eyes and starts to write again, hand now a little shaky.

“It’s the reason that my heart is failing...Isn’t it?”

The writing stops. 

“Let me finish my tests first and then we’ll see. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, Crown Prince.”

Jaejoong gives him a smile and then gets back to work. 

**

Jaejoong is an amazing healer.

He gently checks Yoochun’s pulse and pressure points, presses his hand in the center of his chest to get a better feel of his energy.

“I specialize in healing, but specifically life energy.” Jaejoong explains to Yoochun the few days later. It’s the fourth day of tests, because Jaejoong says that he needs more than one day of results to compare and figure out the best cure.

Today Yunho’s sitting at the edge of the bed, actually a little interested in what’s happening. All of Yoochun’s previous healers couldn’t even compare to the meticulous care that Jaejoong gave Yoochun. They would give him the new medicine or spell of the day, hoping that they would finally be the one to heal the Crown Prince and be rich for life.

But Jaejoong-

Jaejoong has yet to give him any sort of treatment and yet Yoochun’s felt more and more energized. It’s something that the whole castle has noticed and it’s a little hard to tell them that he hasn’t even received a single real treatment from Jaejoong. 

“Okay, this might feel a little weird, but don’t worry okay? I’m just going to check your circulation system using a small amount of my own energy. It should feel a little warm.”

He places his hand in the center of Yoochun’s chest, just as he had every day before, and presses his palm down. There’s a surge of warm, like a strange shock of some kind, and it travels from Yoochun’s heart all the way down to the tips of his fingers and toes.

“Wow.” It’s the only thing that Yoochun can say in response and it brings a smile to Jaejoong’s face. Something that Yoochun has already begun to enjoy seeing. 

He watches Jaejoong write in his notebook before closing it. 

“Okay, that’s it for today. You can put your shirt back on.” 

Jaejoong’s finished quicker than he had the previous days and, admittedly, Yoochun’s a little sad.

“Don’t be so obvious, Crown Prince.” Yunho whispers to him and Yoochun punches him in the arm.

He is not _obvious_. 

Jae bows to him after he collects his things and leaves. Yoochun’s staring at the door, when Yunho speaks up again.

“You’re allowed to ask him to eat with you, my Prince.”

Yoochun looks at him, suspicious.

“I thought you didn’t like Jaejoong?”

Yunho rolls his eyes, leaning against one of the bed posts.

“He makes you smile, for whatever reason. I like seeing you happy, despite what you may think. And you- you’ve practically been glowing since yesterday when you and Jaejoong had that small conversation about music as he was going through his tests.” 

“Glowing? Really?” The thought makes Yoochun want to cringe but he did feel more energetic and happier. His heart feels lighter almost. And, he can’t deny, it did all start when Jaejoong arrived at the castle...

“Being obvious again with your thoughts, my Prince.” 

Yoochun doesn’t hold back with his punch this time. He’s walking out the door and down the hall to find Jaejoong when he hears Yunho call behind him.

“PRINCE, YOUR SHIRT-”

**

It becomes routine for them to have lunch together after Jaejoong finishes his daily tests. He adds a little magic here and there to them, but it’s never painful. Jaejoong says it’s about opening all the blockades in his system, as well as removing all the tension from his system.

They talk about everything under the sun (except Yoochun’s disease) over lunch, and after a few weeks, Yoochun feels like he’s know Jaejoong his whole life. 

He knows that his favorite color is red, which explains his hair, and that he also prefers his food spicy. Jaejoong enjoys music when he has time and used to sing with a few bards back in Harmon. But the thing that Yoochun thinks is most amazing about Jaejoong is that he loves that he was blessed with magic. With his magic, he’s been able to help so many people in his life, just like Yoochun. 

“Being able to save the life of one person is important and so amazing to me.” Jaejoong says to him over tea that day. “One or a million, all lives are important and, it might be selfish but, I want to save as many as I can.”

He finishes his thought with the widest, warmest smile that Yoochun’s seen from him.

And for the first time in a long time, Yoochun’s heart beats in overtime. 

**

The next morning, Yoochun catches his reflection in the mirror as he’s getting dressed.

There are no dark circles under his eyes and his cheeks look full and healthy. Jaejoong still hasn’t started his full treatments, just small ones, but Yoochun feels like he’s changing. 

Changing for the better. 

He’s pulling his hair back into a ponytail, humming with a slight smile on his face when he sees it.

The bits of gold around his black feather mark, flashing along with his heartbeat. 

**

Yoochun runs all the way to Jaejoong’s room. 

He finds Jaejoong asleep on top of his desk, drooling on what were probably important notes. It’s a little more adorable than Yoochun tells himself that it is.

But he gently shakes Jaejoong awake regardless, more than excited to tell him about his mark.

“Ah- What? Who?” 

Jaejoong blinks the sleep out of his eyes and Yoochun frowns at the dark circles under his eyes. It almost kills all of his energy, thinking about how hard Jaejoong must be working to find a cure for him. But maybe with this new development, Jaejoong’s work might almost be done.

“Jaejoong.” Yoochun says, pulling the extra chair in the room up next to him. Sitting down, Yoochun grabs his shirt. “Jaejoong, _look_.” 

He may or may not rip his shirt open a little enthusiastically, a button or two flying in different directions. It causes Jaejoong to let out a tired laugh, but he quickly chokes on it- fingers flying out and tracing the new gold surrounding Yoochun’s feather.

“I can’t believe it.”

The color continues to pulse along with Yoochun’s heartbeat and Yoochun thinks he might see tears in Jaejoong’s eyes. 

“They’re connected, aren’t they?” Yoochun asks once again, the first time since the day that Jaejoong came to the castle. “My heart and the mark.”

“Yes,” Jaejoong whispers, pressing down a little harder, like he can’t believe it. “Yes, they are.”

**

Two more weeks pass by and Yoochun feels even healthier and energetic. He outruns Yunho in their morning training, beats him in a few (lucky) sparring matches, and even sits in on a few meetings with his father and his advisors. 

The kingdom has heard of their Crown Prince’s improvement and his mother suggests a ball to celebrate the end of his battle. Yes, he wants to call it the end of his battle, thanks to his mark.

The feather is no longer a simple black, but a beautiful mix of colors that were almost alive. Red and gold mix together along and under the black outline, flashing and shifting with his heartbeat. 

“It’s even more beautiful than it was when you were a child.” His mother tells him, pressing a kiss to it. “Our little prince is certainly blessed.”

**

Yoochun’s walking down the hall, alone without Yunho for once, humming a melody that Jaejoong had taught last week. He’s trying to think of the best way to invite Jaejoong to the ball when he hears a voice.

An angry voice.

He stops to listen. 

“All this time?! You’ve been doing it all this time!?”

Yunho? 

Yoochun looks around, trying to figure out where his head guard is. He ends up on the other side of a door, one he’s never actually paid attention to before, ear pressed against door.

“What do you think he’s going to say when you tell him, huh? Because you are going to tell him, right?”

He’s never heard such anger in Yunho’s voice before and the person he’s yelling at is talking too softly for Yoochun to hear. But he clearly hears Yunho’s scoff in reply.

“It’s like you don’t even realize how he feels about you. Maybe you’re both just as blind. Or maybe you’re both too cowardly to admit the truth.”

There’s another quiet reply and then footsteps. Yoochun throws himself away from the door and hides behind a trusty pillar as the door opens. He’s not stupid enough to try and see who comes out, so he holds his breath instead.

“There’s a ball in five days,” He hears Yunho say. “I’m giving you until then to tell him. You _have_ to tell him.” 

Yoochun listens to the familiar sound of Yunho’s boots walk down the hall, but the other person hasn’t left yet. His lungs are starting to burn when Yoochun hears a heavy sigh and soft footsteps walk in the opposite direction of Yunho.

By the time they’re gone, Yoochun finally comes out of his hiding spot.

“What the hell was that about?”

**

A few days go by and he still hasn’t asked Jaejoong about the ball. There’s no way that Jaejoong doesn’t know about it- the servants have already started setting up for it. But they simply don’t talk about for one reason or another.

Honestly, Yoochun’s still curious about the person that Yunho fought with a few days ago. He’s tried dropping a few leading questions to his head guard, but sometimes Yunho is even more stubborn than Yoochun himself. 

He’s staring at the ceiling as Jaejoong’s doing his normal tests. His hand is as warm as ever, but when he presses down, there’s no extra pulse of warmth. So, he presses down again, a little firmer.

Nothing.

At the fourth try, Yoochun looks down at Jaejoong. There’s a little bit of panic in his eyes and his hand shakes on Yoochun’s chest. And that’s when he notices how _awful_ Jaejoong looks. 

His face is gaunt, the dark circles deep and purple under his eyes. The clothes that Yoochun had his tailor make especially for Jaejoong are hanging off him when they used to be perfectly fitted less than a week ago. And it doesn’t help that his whole body is now shaking either. 

“Hey.” Yoochun sits up, covering Jaejoong’s hand with his own. “Hey, are you alright? You look...tired.” 

Tired doesn’t even scratch the way that Jaejoong looks, but it’s the kindest way that Yoochun can word it. 

“Tired,” Jaejoong repeats, carefully pulling his hand away. “I...Yes, I’m-”

He seems at a loss for words and that in itself worries Yoochun even more. Sometimes Jaejoong could never _stop_ talking.

“I haven’t been getting much sleep lately, sorry. I don’t mean to be an inconvenience.”

Yoochun frowns even more. 

“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that at all. Please, Jaejoong. I’ve been feeling better than ever, like I was never sick in the first place. You...You, on the other hand.” He pauses, unable to finish his sentence the way it was going.

He glances at Yunho, who’s actually staring at Jaejoong instead of him for once. Yoochun’s not the only one that noticed, it seems. 

“Listen, Jaejoong. There’s a ball in two days. The castle is going to be busy until then, which means I’ll be busy too. So how about we skip this until the ball is over and you get some rest? You certainly deserve it after you’ve helped me...with every way that you have.”

Jaejoong fidgets, pulling at his sleeves.

“If...if only you’re sure.” 

Yunho shifts in his chair, letting out a sigh. 

Yoochun ignores him.

“Of course I’m sure. I’ll have the servants run you a bath. Go and relax, Jaejoong.” 

He reaches out, a little bold, and pulls Jaejoong into a hug.

“Feel better soon. Please.”

**

Yoochun doesn’t see Jaejoong for two days.

Despite all the preparations for the ball, they are the two longest days ever.

“So, so obvious.” Yunho tells him the first day and Yoochun thinks he hears pity in his voice.

“So, so obvious that someone wants to be reassigned to gate patrol~” Yoochun counters, handing Yunho a stack of red and black fabric. “But first, take that to my tailor and tell him to make something nice for Jaejoong please.” 

**

The night of the ball, Yoochun still hasn’t seen Jaejoong. 

Yunho’s told him that Jaejoong was coming, that he’d dropped off the outfit Yoochun had made and everything. That Jaejoong’s looking much healthier than before, that the rest helped him a lot. 

Yoochun’s eyes scan the room again, searching for the unique red hair. It’s not anywhere.

“Darling, you’re fidgeting.” His mother says, seemingly kind but Yoochun knows the reprimand hidden in it. 

He takes a calming breath. Jaejoong’s just...late. That’s all.

**

Two hours into the ball, his parents finally release him to the floor. 

Yunho is suspiciously missing, but there are enough guards around the ballroom keeping an eye on him. With all these people around, it’s the perfect time for an assassination attempt, really. 

“I need to stop thinking so morbidly,” Yoochun mutters to himself, moving through the crowd. 

He accepts everyone’s well-wishes, genuinely thankful for all those who are happy for his returned health. Considering he would be ruling them one day, it’s certainly nice to know that the people support him so much already. 

Right as he finishes a dance with a lovely young lady, Yoochun’s dragged out of the crowd by a strong arm.

“What th- Yunho?” 

His head guard shakes his head and drags him out of the ballroom and down the dark halls. 

“Do not ask me any questions, shut up and follow. _He’ll_ be happy to answer them for you and you’ll be able to vent all your anger at him.”

“What?”

Yoochun’s more than confused, but as they make a few more turns, the path is more than recognizable. 

“Are we going to see Jaejoong? Is he in his room? Is that why he wasn’t at the ball?”

Yunho doesn’t not answer, just continues to quickly pull him to Jaejoong’s door, rip it open, and throw him inside.

The door slams shut with a loud sound. 

“Yunho? Is that you? I told you to leave me alone, dammit.”

Yoochun turns around to see Jaejoong curled on his bed, looking smaller than ever. It makes his heartbreak.

“No...No, Jaejoong. It’s me. It’s Yoochun.”

He sits on the bed right as Jaejoong’s eyes open. A hand weakly tries to push Yoochun away.

“You...you shouldn’t be here, Your Highness.”

Seeing Jaejoong in this state and knowing that he was here alone, compared to the ball-

“There’s no other place I’d rather be than right here, Jaejoong.” 

And Yoochun truly means every word.

“Of course you would say that. You were always more open with your feelings.”

The words confuse Yoochun.

“Always? What do you mean by that?”

Jaejoong struggles out a laugh.

“Well, it’s not like I have much time left. I was hoping that I could get away with it. So that my debt was fulfilled. Help me sit up?”

Yoochun slides an arm around Jaejoong’s back and carefully helps him up. His eyes widen as Jaejoong unbuttons his shirt, sliding it off until-

“Jaejoong...what is _that_?”

His fingers reach out and press right above Jaejoong’s heart. They press right into the black feather mark above Jaejoong’s heart.

“Look familiar?” Jaejoong laughs again. “Now, careful not to get a headache like I did. It was hard to hide back then, you know?”

“A headache? Jaejoong what in the world, how long have you-” 

His question is cutting off by the searing pain in his head. 

**

It’s worse than anything he’s experienced with his heart and Yoochun thinks that he’s going to die. 

He’s really going to die, Jaejoong tricked him this whole time, played with his heart to lure him here and murder him and-

Then there’s images in his head. 

A man in black and red robes.   
A forest.   
A mountain.   
That same man smiling at him.   
A beautiful red and gold bird.   
The worst burning pain.  
An ocean.   
A kiss.  
 _See you soon._  
And then- 

Darkness.

**

“See you soon.” 

The words spill out of Yoochun’s mouth and then he’s crying. He’s sobbing.

Jaejoong’s arms come around him, trying to console with little strength, but Yoochun can’t stop the tears.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Jaejoong...Why?” 

“You didn’t deserve to die back then. Even if it was for the village.” He feels Jaejoong’s own tears seeping into his shoulder. “I couldn’t let you die here too. When I knew...You have to understand. You have to understand, Yoochun.”

Yoochun’s head hurts. His _heart_ hurts. Everythings hurts so much and to add to things, his matching feather mark is burning against his skin with the memories. 

It’s the first time that Jaejoong has ever said his name (in this lifetime), but Yoochun can’t even be happy because there is something terribly wrong with Jaejoong’s words. 

“What do you mean ‘I couldn’t let you die here too’?”

Jaejoong says nothing. He hides his face against Yoochun’s shoulder. 

“Jaejoong. Jaejoong, what did you mean by that?”

“You already know the answer to that.” Jaejoong whispers against his shoulder. “I know you that you know. Even if you don’t want to admit it to yourself.”

Yoochun pushes Jaejoong away, barely feeling bad for the way that he hits the bed hard.

“Stop talking in riddles!! Enough of this subtle bullshit, be honest for once!” 

Yoochun’s way too riled up, heart beating way too fast and hands curled into fist. But Jaejoong sits up and reaches out, tapping right where Yoochun’s mark is.

“You know the answer." Jaejoong's voice breaks on the words. "You know what I specialize in. You knew the answer from the first day it started to have an effect on you. The day that the first gold marks appeared.” His voice fades off , as if it's even weaker now, like it’s hard for him to speak. But Yoochun’s mind is too caught up trying to decipher his words. 

Jaejoong’s speciality…

 _I specialize in healing, but specifically life energy_

 _specifically life energy_

 _life energy_

No.

There's no way-

It’s too much. Too much for Yoochun to handle all at once.

“ _Jaejoong_ , how could you? How- You could have...You should have-”

Jaejoong trails his hand up to Yoochun’s face, cupping his face.

“At least I was free to touch you this time,” He comments, thumb brushing Yoochun’s cheek. “Even if our time was shorter together. It was really hard not to the first time around, you know.” 

The words make Yoochun laugh through his tears, despite everything.

“I knew you were feeling my chest up more than you needed to.”

**

They lay together in the bed after they settle down a bit, Jaejoong tucked in Yoochun’s arms. 

Everything and everyone else seem so far away now. The only thing that matters to Yoochun is Jaejoong. 

And the fact that he’s going to lose Jaejoong very soon.

“It’s tonight, isn’t it?” Yoochun asks. 

Jaejoong nods against his chest. 

“I tried to make it to your ball but...Yunho found me collapsed on the floor. He figured out that I was giving you my own life energy, but he didn’t know about the marks. Still, he’s smart and cares about you a lot. You should listen to him more.” 

“Tch. I’m the crown prince! It’s his job to listen to me!” 

Yoochun feels Jaejoong’s lips smile against his mark.

**

It happens quicker than Yoochun expects. 

"I'm sorry that I didn't find you sooner. I think that's why your heart gave up." Jaejoong whispers.

"I could say them say about finding you, but your heart didn't give up on you." Yoochun tries to joke with a squeeze of his fingers. 

With a last hope of having some of that phoenix magic in himself to give Jaejoong one more week, one more day, one more hour-

But too soon, Jaejoong leaning up and giving him a kiss that tastes too much like good-bye.

“See you soon?” He whispers against Yoochun's lips. It's almost like he can hear the waves of the ocean from their past life echoing in his ears.

“See you soon.”


	3. Three/Four

**셋**

They’re born again, of course. Both still with faded feather marks above their hearts.

Better than their previous lives, however, they meet when they’re both thirteen years old, prime and ready for their new apprenticeships.

It’s almost like fate’s apology for the first two times.

Jaejoong is an apprentice to the town’s mage, an orphan having been born and immediately abandoned due to the a strong magic inside of him. He’d already gone through some training, but now is ready to start learning the harder stuff. Things like how to control magic and other skills and uses that the gentle healer mages couldn’t teach him. 

Yoochun, on the other hand, is ordinary boy trying to help his family by become an apprentice early. He’s taken in by the town baker, whose shop just so happens to be right next to the mage’s apothecary.

The first time they interact, it’s short eye contact when they both are cleaning the front of their respective shops. But they say nothing and go about their cleaning.

The second time, when they’re taking out the trash, Yoochun nods at Jaejoong and Jaejoong gives a wave back.

It takes until the third time that words are actually exchanged.

“Hey.”

Yoochun looks up from feeding some of the stray cats that live around their shops. They usually hate Jaejoong, giving him more scratches and bites faster than he can heal them.

“How did you get them to be nice to you?”

Yoochun shrugs. 

“I feed them some scraps, it seems to make them happy enough to let me pet them.” 

“Oh.”

They fall silent and Jaejoong watches as Yoochun pets the three cats around him. He’s gentle with each cat, smiling at them and scratching under their chin. 

Then Yoochun’s blinking and scrunching up his nose- 

Jaejoong laughs as the cats scatter, scared from the sound of the sneeze.

“‘S not funny.” Yoochun mutters, blowing his nose. “I’m allergic to them.”

“Allergic?” Jaejoong’s never met someone as stupid as this. “Then why would you ever go near them?! You’re asking to be killed!”

But again, Yoochun shrugs.

“It’s not that bad, just make me sneeze and itch a bit.” He rubs his nose again. “Besides, they’re hungry. It’s not like they’re home cats with cushions and fancy toys.” 

He stands up, brushes the dirt from his pants, and nods at Jaejoong.

“Well, I have work to do. See you.”

As they both get back to work, they each realize that they never exchanged names.

xxx

Despite thinking that Yoochun’s stupid for playing with cats when he’s allergic, Jaejoong never fails to stop and watch the other whenever he catches him cleaning outside or rolling dough by the side window of the bakery.

Yoochun, on the other hand, thinks that Jaejoong’s a little strange, perhaps even a little glow-y when he trips out of the mage’s shop. Sometimes, Jaejoong’s clothes are smoking and he can hear the old mage yelling at him through the walls of the bakery. But there’s always a smile on Jaejoong’s face whether he’s actually on fire or being yelled at or simply walking outside for fresh air.

They’re not friends.

They’re not even real neighbors either, technically, but there’s something...strange about them. 

Jaejoong can’t get his mind off of Yoochun’s uncaring, but kind personality. And now, every time Yoochun feeds the cats and sneezes, Jaejoong’s words echo in his ears. 

“How annoying,” Yoochun comments, tossing the last of his scraps to the cats and wiping his nose.

 _How stupid_ , Jaejoong thinks, peeking at Yoochun through a window. 

xxx

“Jaejoong!”

Yoochun nearly drops the wet aprons in his arms, staring up at Jaejoong leaning half out a window.

“What?”

“My name...My name’s Jaejoong!” He yells again. 

“Okay...I’m Yoochun?” 

They stare at each other in silence, in which most of Jaejoong’s bravado disappears.

“Um...do...do you want to be friends?”

Yoochun tilts his head, shifting the aprons that are now soaking through his shirt.

“Um...sure? I have a lot of work to do right now, so maybe after I’m finished?”

“Oh...okay! When you’re finished! Just knock on the front door!” 

Jaejoong waves goodbye and shuts the window before Yoochun can respond. 

xxx

Hours later, there’s a knock on the front door of the apothecary and Jaejoong practically rips it open.

“ _Hey_.” He says, a little out of breath. “Y-yoochun, hi.”

“Hi...Jaejoong.” Yoochun replies, obviously a little wary. “Am I interrupting something? I know it’s late-,” 

Jaejoong shakes his head, reaching for Yoochun’s hand, then pulling back. He’s a little buzzed on adrenaline, thanks to finding a book on fire spells that his master had hidden from him before he left on a trip for a few days. But Jaejoong’s not impolite and he isn’t going to force Yoochun to join him.

No matter how much he wants that. For whatever reason.

“I was just playing with some fire magic and accidentally was chased by a fire dragon I made instead of some fireworks!”

It’s then that Yoochun notices that Jaejoong’s missing a chunk of his blond hair and an eyebrow. And his clothes are smoking. Again.

Jaejoong steps back, to let Yoochun into the shop.

“Would you like to come in and see?”

Yoochun knows that going in is probably a bigger safety hazard than the old ovens he works with every day but...a fire dragon sounds damn amazing. 

“Sure. Just...I like my hair, please don’t burn it.”

Jaejoong laughs behind his hand, eyes glowing a little bit.

“I promise.”

xxx

Jaejoong ends up burning Yoochun’s hair.

Yoochun punches Jaejoong in the face.

xxx

They spend the rest of the night laughing at each other and cutting their hair into matching mohawks. 

By the time Yoochun leaves for the night, they’re best friends.

xxx

Five years go by. 

The two of them grow closer and closer by the day, their friendship bringing smiles and headaches to both of their masters.

Yoochun’s master helps him bake and decorate an elaborate cake for Jaejoong’s sixteenth birthday, covered in so many different colors that Jaejoong has trouble focusing on one spot. 

“See,” Yoochun tells him, a smug smile on his face. “Even people without magic can make magical things.”

Jaejoong’s master almost knocks Jaejoong out in anger when he tries to do something in return for Yoochun’s next birthday. It’s been years, but Jaejoong’s learned that his specialty is with fire. 

Thanks to the book he found that day so long ago, he’s been able manipulate fire in ways that even his master doesn’t even understand. It’s almost like he was born with a flame inside him, but considering Jaejoong _is_ human (his master has thrown enough different kinds of things at him like iron or salt or even blessed water, JUST to be sure), they know that it’s impossible. 

So for Yoochun’s birthday, Jaejoong has the idea of making an oven completely out of flames for Yoochun to cook in. It’s not practical in the least bit and he nearly burns down the shop AND the bakery when he tries to conjure it.

“But- But if it’s made completely of flames, what holds up the bread? Or the cakes?” Yoochun asks him, three days later when Jaejoong’s finally finished cleaning up and fixing all the things he burned.

Jaejoong, however, has no answer for him because...wow, he never thought about that part. 

Yoochun cracks up in response and smacks his shoulder, trying not to fall over.

“You are really something, Jae. Thanks for the birthday...attempt.”

xxx

The next year, Jaejoong works on something secret between his own preparations for his mage tests. 

He reads through all the fire books his master has and all the scrolls that he can track down from all the towns near them. And by the time Yoochun’s seventeenth birthday comes around again, he’s ready. 

“Is that...is that _solid fire_?!” 

Jaejoong grins, sliding in two loaves of bread and a cake pan into the oven he made for Yoochun. The oven he made of _pure fire_ for Yoochun. The oven he made of pure, _solid_ fire for Yoochun. 

“Wow, it’s amazing what magical people can do with magic, huh~” Jaejoong nudges Yoochun’s shoulder, trying to break him out of his daze. 

“This isn’t even...Where am I going to put this where it won’t burn down EVERYTHING?” 

Oh, Jaejoong thinks. Right, burning. Something that Jaejoong’s really good at doing to most things.

“Just shut up and say thank you, Yoochun.”

“Thank you, Jaejoong, for yet another birthday gift that attempts to burn down my life.” Yoochun states plainly, carefully pulling out the cake pan with an oven mitt. “Damn...this is perfectly baked too, you asshole.” 

Jaejoong grins again and presses a teasing kiss on Yoochun’s cheek. 

“You’re welcome, Yoochun~ Happy Birthday!!!”

What Jaejoong misses is the red on Yoochun’s cheeks that isn’t from the heat of his new oven.

xxx

One day, when they’re eighteen, Yoochun knocks on the door of the apothecary.

“Oh, Yoochun. Today’s the day?” 

Yoochun nods at Jaejoong’s master, and walks in, appreciating the different smells of herbs and other things. It’s much better than the constant sweetness of the bakery, but Yoochun can’t complain when it’s his job.

“Yep. Jae forgot, didn’t he?” 

The old mage smiles, pointing his thumb to the back. “He’s in his usual place. Hasn’t moved much because he’s so nervous about his tests next week, especially since he’ll be gone for two whole years.”

Yoochun sighs fondly, shaking his head and sharing a look with the old mage.

“He makes solid fire and yet he’s worried about a group of old people not calling him a ‘true’ mage. Amazing. When does he leave again?”

He already knows the answer. Jaejoong’s leaving in two days. Yoochun only has two more days with his best friend for two years. Which is why tonight is so important to him. He lets his hand slide into his pocket where a letter sits, running his thumb against it. Tonight...tonight would decide a lot of things.

Shaking the thought out of his head, he walks down to the stone basement. And is surprised to see Jaejoong soaked to the bone with buckets of water surrounding him.

“Oy. Mage.”

Jaejoong turns to Yoochun, startling him with the slight yellow glow to his eyes. The old mage said it was a sign of his power, but it never failed to amaze and frighten Yoochun every time. 

“Yoochun! What are you doing here?”

Leaning against the wall, Yoochun raises an eyebrow at him. 

“What? Why are you...oh.”

“Oh.” Yoochun echoes.

“I forgot about the festival.” Jaejoong says, brushing his wet hair back. “Whoops. Nice clothes by the way.”

“Nice wet rat look you have going on, _by the way_.” 

Yoochun pushes off the wall and walks toward Jaejoong, nudging his toe against the buckets of water. They’re a strange site for the place that Jaejoong practiced most of his fire at. 

“You that nervous for the tests?”

“Maybe. They know I’m good with fire, but what good is a true mage that can’t work with more than one element? I can’t just go and make solid fire and call it a day, Yoochun.” Jaejoong explains and, while trying to dry his shirt, he accidentally sets it on fire.

“Oh for the love of-” The fire goes out quicker than Yoochun can stifle his giggles. It’s been a while since Jaejoong’s done that after all. 

Sighing, Jaejoong just removes the shirt and something catches Yoochun’s eyes. Something on Jaejoong’s chest.

“Hey...do you have a tattoo?” Yoochun tilts his head for a better look. “When did you get it? How come you never showed me?” 

He reaches out a hand and barely brushes it with his fingers before Jaejoong steps back.

“Oy, grabby hands! It’s not a tattoo, it’s my birthmark.” Jaejoong grumbles, but drops his hand so Yoochun can see. “It’s the reason why I was abandoned. The colors show my power. And besides, it’s not like I take my shirt off around you all the time.”

“Not that I would complain about that, though.” The words came out before Yoochun can stop them and he blushes. No need to get ahead of himself for tonight. “Kidding! K-kidding. It’s a beautiful ma...rk…”

This time, with nothing blocking his vision, he can see Jaejoong’s birthmark. Jaejoong’s very familiar birthmark. Yoochun’s heart beats to the same rhythm of the flashes of color on Jaejoong’s chest.

"Hey- wait a second-"

“JAEJOONG! CUSTOMER!” 

“Of all times- I’ll be right back, Yoochun.”

Just as the sounds of Jaejoong’s footsteps disappear, Yoochun falls to his knees. 

There’s no way. 

Absolutely no way.

He tears off his nice clothes, ripping open his dress shirt, and hovers over one of the full buckets of water. His own birthmark appears in the water, red and gold pulsing quickly with his beating heart. The same birthmark that’s on Jaejoong’s chest here on his own chest. 

“How...What?” 

These are the only words that Yoochun gets out before pain cuts through his head and his visions blacks out. Images, _memories_ , flash in his mind, but it’s too much for him to handle.

His eyes roll back but his body slumps _forward_ , head slamming into the metal bucket and then hard on the stone floor. 

xxx

When Jaejoong comes back twenty minutes later, it’s already too late. 

There's blood everywhere and Yoochun's not responding to anything. Nothing he tries can bring Yoochun back, not even with all the healing the healer mages had taught him and especially with his master gone with their previous customer. 

It's only after Jaejoong has given up that he sees the faded black mark on Yoochun's chest- so similar to his own but lacking the pulsing red and gold colors.

Of course, he's able to deal with the pain of the memories a lot better, but that does nothing to the pain he feels when he sees Yoochun still dead in front of him. 

To have grown up with him and been so close, but to not know the reason why they felt so special together.

xxx

The death is ruled an accident and even Yoochun's family doesn't blame Jaejoong. Even if the whole town's happier to get rid of him with his mage tests, Yoochun's family is as warm as the fresh bread Yoochun baked himself, which breaks Jaejoong's heart even more.

They hold the funeral the morning Jaejoong's leaving and Yoochun's mother hands him an envelope.

"This was for you, I think. It was in his pocket when it happened."

Jaejoong takes it and gives her a hug before turning his back on the town for the next two years.

xxx

On the train to his tests, he gets the courage to open the envelope and fails to hold himself back from crying.

 _Stupid Mage,_

 _Stop worrying about your tests, because you'll be fine._  
There's no better mage in our town or continent better than you and you know it.  
Your master knows it.   
I know it.  
We all believe in you so you should too. 

_And...well._

 _For what it's worth, I'll still be here after two years too._  
Waiting for you with a small bakery to have your shop next to.  
And when you get back, I might be able to tell you that I love you straight to your face.  
Because I do. I love you.  
I have for a long time.   
So. Come home soon, okay?

 _Love,  
Yoochun_

xxx

Jaejoong never goes home.

 **넷**

It's a hot, summer day on a crowded street when Jaejoong bumps into someone, causing them to both drop their bags.

"Oh, sorry about that." He lifts his sunglasses and helps the man in front of collect his things, throwing a little magic to put his own things back into his backpack and actually zip it this time. 

"No worries. Thanks for stopping and helping me." The man gives Jaejoong a bright smile and causes him to push his sunglasses back down. It's sunny enough without beautiful smiles. 

The man shifts his bag on his shoulder, delaying for a second like he wants to say something else, but shakes his head.

"Well, have a nice day. Stay cool." He waves at Jaejoong and disappears back into the busy crowd. 

Jaejoong stands there in the sun, feeling like he just missed something big. But instead shoulders his backpack and walks away, trying to brush off the feeling as he searches for his next inspiration.

But he fails to shake it off, so he writes his best selling novel instead. It's about two strangers meeting on a sidewalk, in the most cliched of ways, and developing the most important relationship of their lives. And despite the happy ending and all the money that he makes off it, Jaejoong knows that he missed his own happy ending back on that sunny day with a beautiful smile.


	4. Five (Last)

**마지막**

The world today is much different than what history says the past was like.

While magic still exists, the explosion of technology renders it almost obsolete. No longer do non-magic users have to depend on healers or mages; they instead have their own machines and programs to heal and protect them whenever and from whatever.

The stories of spirits and strong mages are rarely heard anymore, even in the magic-friendly neighborhoods like Jaejoong lives in. 

While it might not be needed, Jaejoong takes pride in his magic-based shop, selling different charms and totems that he’s come across in his twenty-nine years of life. He also offers his services as a mage, but there’s not much that people ask for besides showing up to parties like a, ha ha, _magician_. 

It’s a little lonely in his shop, his fire-proof cat and robot dog the only ones keeping him company besides his perky neighbor, Junsu, that shows up for a new color spell every week. Junsu’s one of the top alternate-reality gamers in the city and it makes Jaejoong swell with pride whenever he sees Junsu’s ever-changing hair on the news or playing on all the children’s screens. 

He may live a quiet life, but Jaejoong’s happy. 

Mostly.

♥♥♥♥♥

Jaejoong's set up a mini site and store through the citynet for his shop, which includes a very old-style message board for those who still have interest in magic or magical lore. 

He gets the usual jokesters asking about dick enlargement (like there wasn't enough technology for that now) or how to put a spell on someone to get them to do want you want, which Jaejoong deletes immediately. But one day, he gets a question that perks his interest.

 **Do Soulmates Really Exist?** the title of the thread says and Jaejoong swipes his fingers over his holoscreen to get to the message. 

"I've been having weird dreams lately," he reads aloud, "Dreams of the same person, but different. They have different hair and different clothes, but their smile and laugh is the same. Is this normal? Or is it a sign? I haven't been able to sleep and no doctor can fix it, so I figured it was time to try everything. Please help. Micky."

His cat hops through the holoscreen and onto Jaejoong's lap just as he finishes, fingers drifting to the mark above his heart instead of the soft fur behind his cat's ears.

"How...different." 

Quickly, Jaejoong typing out a response back. 

_Hi there, Micky! Thanks for the questions. I would love to help talk to you about soulmates, but would you be able to give me a little more detail?_

♥♥♥♥♥  
They end up exchanging messages back and forth for a week, until Jaejoong gets the idea to just invite Micky into the shop. It would be a lot easier then typing out the super long emails they had been doing to each other.

Jaejoong’s typing out the invitation when the front bell jingles. His robot dog barks and he collapses his light keyboard before heading out front to greet his customer. 

“Hi, can I help you?”

The man’s dressed in all black, including empty frames on his face. There’s something flashing under his thin v-neck that Jaejoong’s eyes glance to, but it’s too hard to make out. Probably just one of the new fancy implants going around, the trend of the moment.

“You deal with all kinds of magic here? I've been writing emails to you?”

“Ah, are you Micky?” Jaejoong grins, reaching a hand out over the counter when the man nods. “I’m Jaejoong. I was just writing you back about your question about soulmates. I was actually about to invite you to the store, but this makes it even easier." 

Micky shakes his hand, looking a little sheepish when he pulls away. “Actually...my name’s Yoochun. Micky is just an alias.” 

“Yoochun, then. I'm sorry for all my long emails to you, they must have been boring, right?"

"No...I found them quite interesting, really." Yoochun crosses his arms, looking around at the different magic items around the shop. "You've really helped me clear somethings up and I appreciate it."

Yoochun's answer warms Jaejoong right up, happy to hear that someone actually enjoyed his work other than Junsu.

"Well, thank you. I'm more than happy to help. Now, since I don't need to email you again, we can get to your main question again. But my answer is still of _course_ soulmates exist. They've existed for as long as magic and the spirits themselves.” Jaejoong waves his hand and a few hologram screens appear next to him. 

“I know that you specifically mentioned dreams and visions too. They are definitely plausible when dealing with soulmates that have been connected across lifetimes.” 

His hands manipulate the screens, finding up more and more information for Yoochun to read through. The screens might not be as cool as the four hundred-year-old scrolls that Jaejoong’s read, but there’s something exhilarating about sharing his knowledge with someone face to face and instead of just his holoscreen.

“You see, Yoochun, the thing about magic, such as the magic connection that makes a pair of soulmates, is that it’s unpredictable. Even the spirits, back in the beginning of times, didn’t know how to control it. They would just do things thinking that it would be helpful. Mark soulmates or bond them even closer together, things like that. And, sometimes, it was.” 

He pulls up a story of a village that was saved by the spirit of the mountain.

“Other times, however-” The next story that appears is about that village’s shaman that perished to the spirits of the forest, after going on a journey to help his village. 

“They never really thought about the future, but some mages did. Some used their magic and even sacrificed their lives for their kings and queens, even crown princes.” 

Another story about a healer being honored after death for curing the crown prince’s failing heart appears on top of the screens. 

"But it also cannot stop fate."

A continuing story where the same crown prince was assassinated on his coronation day covers the original one. 

“Magic can and has been the cause of many accidents and tragedies too...which people will always try to fight, no matter what they believe. But that brings me back to my original point: Magic has been unpredictable and will continue to be that way no matter what form, whether it's a tiny charm to keep a lamp lit or a rare soulmate bond, so long as it exists in our world. And it's for that reason that people would rather rely on something more stable like technology and that's how the world became the way is it today.” 

Jaejoong finishes his little speech, and finds that Yoochun’s not even looking at the screens, but looking right at Jaejoong instead. 

“Did I say something weird? Or did you have another question?”

“If magical is unpredictable…” Yoochun starts, “Then you’re saying that I’m not crazy for seeing the same person over and over again?”

“Seeing the same person in your dreams doesn’t make a person crazy, Yoochun.”

“Even if you have never met them? Never seen them?”

Jaejoong laughs. “Imagination is still a thing, if you don’t want to think it’s magic.”

Yoochun bites his lip, looking down. Quietly, he mutters something. Jaejoong leans further over the counter. 

“What was that?”

“It’s you.” Yoochun says, looking up and saying it louder. “It’s you. I’ve seen you in my dreams, Jaejoong.

“I’ve seen a younger you with black hair tied up in gold string and paint all over your face. I’ve seen you with red hair and a stronger body, but the kindest smile and gentlest hands I’ve ever felt. I’ve seen you with blond hair that, strangely enough, was on fire and the time I woke up from that dream, I’ve never laughed harder or felt happier in my life.

“I’ve _seen_ you. I’ve met you. I’ve known you, Jaejoong. But I swear, this is the first time that I’ve ever laid eyes on you...in this life.”

Jaejoong has no clue what to say. He blinks, barely taking in the way that Yoochun’s panting after his admission. He would have never expected this.

“One last thing-” Yoochun gets out. He pulls off his jacket and shirt faster than Jaejoong can say stop. But there it is. The flashing from before. It’s actually a beautiful phoenix feather that pulses along with Yoochun’s heartbeat. 

“Does this look familiar to you?” Yoochun asks, but Jaejoong’s already unconsciously pulling aside his sweater to show his matching mark. 

“Obviously, yes. It does.” 

And just like their previous lives, their past memories coming slamming into their minds, the aftereffects of magic that not even the phoenix spirit could understand, and they both black out. 

♥♥♥♥♥

When Yoochun opens his eyes, he sees Jaejoong, this life’s Jaejoong with his navy hair and grey eyes, lifting his head off the counter.

“Ouch.” 

The sound of his voice makes Yoochun want to laugh and cry. No matter what life, Jaejoong’s still the same. He’s still Jaejoong.

“Jaejoong.” Yoochun calls. “Jaejoong.”

“What.” Jaejoong groans, looking across at him on the floor. 

“Hey.” Yoochun smiles, ignoring the tears in his eyes. “ _Hey._ ”

Jaejoong shakes his head, but he’s smiling too. Possibly crying as well. 

They're both finally here. They're both finally alive.

Together.

Jaejoong drags himself closer, grabbing one of Yoochun's hands and holding it tight.

“Hi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again!! This was originally written for the dbskistic exchange on livejournal at dbskistic.livejournal.com, so please be sure to check it out for other nice fics :)
> 
> Also, for those possibly wondering about the point of the 4th lifetime, well...they didn't truly meet in that lifetime after the tragedy of the 3rd, but then Yoochun started having dreams about Jaejoong in the 5th, so...Magic just seems to work in mysterious ways sometimes... ;)


End file.
